Leaving A Trail of Beauty

Core Wounds. We all have them. No one escapes childhood without one or more of these core beliefs that shape and drive the way we approach and avoid throughout the rest of our entire lives. How do we go from eager, unassuming, adventurous toddlers to fearful, hesitant, sometimes paralyzed adults? I cannot unhear the things my parents unknowingly said that contributed to the haunting words and phrases still echoing in my mind more than 50 years later. It isn't their fault, and I cannot blame them for the enemy twisting their words to virtually strangle and suffocate me for decades. I cannot unsay those I said to contribute to the ones rattling around in the minds of my three adult children. It is not my fault or my responsibility to erase all the mistakes I made in the two-plus decades I've been a mama. I was not, nor am I able to heal the damage that's been done from my own mouth or the mouths of others with whom they've crossed paths in their steep clim...

( a time to intentionally redirect my gaze and give testimony to the ways God blesses me) A little technical difficulty with Chrome this morning, in addition to my own late start means a delayed Thursday Thanks Tank. I hope y'all are having a great Thursday so far! This was the key passage this morning in my devotion on  YouVersion . I found it timely and pertinent. One of the details of this short devotion stood out to me: "The mere act of being thankful can transform a grumpy heart into a joyful one." I have absolutely found that in my own life. I can start the day feeling three steps behind, awakening later than I would have liked, and begin beating myself up for all the ways my day is going to go down the tubes due to my bad choices. However, if I take a moment and refocus my attention on gratitude rather than on myself and my shortcomings . . . I find a salvageable day already filled with reasons to be thankful. Here are a few that came to m...

I can go days without hearing my name. Does that ever happen to you? You spend your entire day never hearing your name called by anyone. I have two names I routinely am called these days. Pam, of course, and Mama or Mom (used only by my son). Yet in the course of many of my days in this season, I am addressed as nothing.  Oh, I exchange words with my son, but he doesn't necessarily call me by name. He knows who I am, and we fall into conversations without addressing and using each other's given names. I share pleasantries with the people at ALDI, and while I use the names of those I know -- they are not obligated, nor do many of them know my given name. I can slip through my day without ever hearing my name aloud. A bit disconcerting now that I've allowed my mind to drift there. It doesn't change who I am or make me question my value as a person. It is . . . maybe just a reason for pause. Do I do the same thing with the Lord? Do I wake up and begin ...

I very rarely, ( read NEVER ) speak out politically. Most people I interact with probably don't know my political leanings or whether I'm even registered to vote. (I am and have been since I turned 18.) I've convinced myself over the years of a number of things that are blatantly untrue. One of those is this: Your VOICE doesn't matter. I've whispered it to myself, chanted it almost as a mantra, and slowly but surely I came to believe it. What I am here to tell you and challenge you ( and myself ) with this morning is this: If you woke up with breath in your lungs this morning, unlike those who were victims of mass shootings over this weekend, YOU HAVE A VOICE! YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU CAN SAY and YOU CAN DO SOMETHING! I don't hesitate to come to my keyboard on any given morning to share some pretty picture overlaid with Scripture to boldly carry you forward into your day. I never wonder if I am offending any of you who saunter through my ne...

I've mentioned and featured this beautiful visitor a couple of times already. I am all about the tiny ways God chooses to bless me and try to find tangible, daily reminders of His care for me in the tiniest of ways.  I am always on the lookout for what I've termed "God winks". These are ways I feel like He  shows me how tenderly He seeks out ways to delight me with His goodness. On a couple of especially lonely days last week, He sent this beauty to hang around my front steps, clinging to the standing phlox my precious daughter planted there last summer. I spent at least 20 minutes with my phone poised and ready to capture the fluttering and dancing of my unexpected guest. I turned it on "live" mode and caught quite a few shots of her in action. I held the button down and sent "bursts" of her careening from petal to petal. She was in the midst of my amateurish photo shoot and had no clue.  She is pretty from all angles, but w...

SUFFICIENT ___________________________________________________ As with so many issues of the Christian life, I deal with the different way God and I tend to think. I find the verse above a comfort at first glance.  I like the part about "sufficient" but my finite mind and sometimes oftentimes stubborn heart wrestle with what God means by sufficient versus what I deem sufficient.  What if He doesn't think I need what I think I need? What if He thinks I can subsist and be content on a way different amount than I think I can? What if His determination of sufficient doesn't add up when it comes to the commitments I've already made? What if His numbers aren't the same as my numbers and those of the cumulative amount of my current bills? What then?  Again . . . what then? Does that mean He is not being sufficient? Does that mean He doesn't care about me?  Does that mean . . . He's forgotten me?  Let's read on...

Some days are just like that, aren't they? You know the ones. You wake up simultaneously whispering "Jesus" and "what in the world am I going to do?" in the same ragged breath. You long to spout faithful treatises and flowery expressions of God's sovereignty. Yet all that comes out is a puff of empty air. You don't know what to pray. You don't know what else to say. Your neck hurts from hunkering down and pushing on through. Your sleep is sporadic, because though you said you'd leave it in the capable hands of the Lord; you've conjured up a thousand ways you could try to fix it all by yourself in the inky blackness of the night. You balance the desire for the darkness to stay like a comfortable invisibility cloak and an eagerness for the dawn to break and relieve you from all those night time tangle of thoughts that send the morning racing ahead without rest for your soul. "What comes with this new day?" you hesitantl...

REMEMBER We are called to remember. God considered the concept of remembering so important He referenced it no less than 150 times in the Old and New Testaments combined. The verse in question today turns the idea of "remembering" on its head and cautions us what NOT to remember. "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old." Isaiah 43:18 ESV I'm taking this one to mean don't dwell on the past. It's okay to remember it but don't stay there. Don't fixate on the things of old. Learn from it. Let it give you wisdom for your future self. The following quote struck me as I have been forcing myself to go back as far as I can remember, to get back to that little Pam who was unblemished by years of mistakes, missteps, and misremembering (I guess that really is a word!): "Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them." Richard L. Evans  I find...

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) I would describe myself of "sound mind". Most days. Yet, when I wake up with thoughts scattered, ideas banging around in my head and my heart, and trying to capture them is akin to corralling a swarm of dragonflies -- I certainly wonder. Am I of "sound mind" as Paul would have described in sharing this with his beloved son, Timothy? I spend my time flitting back and forth between spiritual pursuits, training to be a profitable writer, painting my heart out, looking for sustainable employment, keeping my home from crawling up around me in clutter, . . . and untold hours scrolling social media to see what others are doing that is better, wiser, and more profitable than what I find myself doing. My mind is as cluttered as my news feed, and I tear myself away to hover over the next thing for a moment, only to find the beckoning loud enoug...

We all have fears that have kept or keep us from pursuing the ___________ (fill in the blank) we know the Lord has put on our hearts. Voices in our heads. Taunting from a variety of places and spaces. For me, those fears are all related to my writing or making art. I get stuck and feel like a fake. Then I write nothing. at. all. Let's examine a couple of official terms for this oft-recurring deterrent to us having more good writing to read. Imposter Syndrome :  The  imposter syndrome  is a psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. This article is a wonderful resource. Comparison trap: " The temptation to compare is as near as your next chat with a friend, trip to the store, or check-in on social media. And whether you come out on top or come up lacking, there is simply no win in comparison. It’s a trap," according to Sandra Stanle...

Light and darkness. My favorite time of day on both ends of the spectrum is when those first slight streaks of daylight begin to break through the darkness, and the converse of it found in the very last moments of light left before the entire landscape is engulfed in velvety blackness. I love the hope found in light splitting through the darkness and awakening a new day. I admire all creation staying hushed until daybreak as well, instinctively knowing the signal comes along with that rhythmic rising of the sun. The end of the day has its charm in my heart, too. I find it endlessly satisfying to watch the sunset and see the stars emerge twinkling amidst the growing inkiness of the nighttime sky. Unique as the number of days in existence, the colors and display are ever-changing. Yet the cyclical nature of it brings comfort and peace. Both the light and the darkness find their home with God. He spoke and they did His bidding. Until He called light into existence, darkness cov...

God gets my attention through repetition. How about you? What I am continuing to discover in my almost four-decade "expotition" with my friend Jesus is He knows I don't usually get His lessons for me the first go-round. He repeats. He puts out virtual road signs.  Sometimes He puts out literal road signs to garner my attention and my gaze. He has specific Scripture rise to the surface again and again. He puts a word in my path and writes it in all capital letters EVERYWHERE so I can't possibly miss it. Silence has been the most recent. Jesus gave me almost a month of an empty nest to foster an atmosphere of solitude and silence. He has brought any number of lessons across my path to reinforce His message for this season.  My life has been filled with noise outside my head for decades and self-imposed noise for far longer. How do I avoid silence? How do you? Music Television Internet surfing Reaching out to others rather...

I wake up most mornings with a song in my head. This morning it was this one . I struggle with starting out on the positive side of things. I have to intentionally make a choice. As I turn to Philippians I find Paul makes a repetitive command throughout. As a matter of fact, Paul used "joy" or some form of it 16 times in this letter. Choosing to rejoice is an act of the will. I can wallow in my circumstances, my shortcomings, the things I can't control right now . . . or I can choose to rejoice. Today I rejoice in: God's provision for me. I am not going hungry, and I have a roof over my head. The vibrant, colorful creation all around me. He is the consummate artist, and His color palette astonishes and delights me every day. I paint, because He inspires it. The assurance that He knows what's next for me. The God winks in each day. He surprises me, and when I am attuned to what's going on around me I find I am always on His mind. His W...