Thursday Thanks Tank (Sort of)

Let's be perfectly honest and gut-level REAL today.

I DON'T feel thankful. at. ALL.

I woke up this way:

  • Frustrated
  • Anxious
  • Irritated
  • Angry
  • Exasperated
  • Grumpy
  • Eyes burning
  • Nose stuffy
  • Feet pain-filled from their first contact with the floor
  • Ears ringing and itchy (maybe somebody's talking about me says the old wive's tale)
  • Not a wife
  • A mother to adults who selectively adult and set my teeth on edge
  • A new puppy mom to a quickly growing and energetic one who is also on my last nerve today.
  • Annoyed that I am still blogging here even though I bought my domain and have been spending my pennies since July on a website where I still feel like a guest, can't figure out how to even set up a blog, or make the whole thing private so my failure in this venture isn't out there for everyone's eyes or WORSE no one's eyes ever to see.
Soooo . . . what to do with my crabby, cranky, ungrateful self? My worries are so miniscule in comparison to the lengthy prayer list I traverse each day. I feel like what I'm grumpy about is the size of a speck in light of the REAL issues that so many others face. 

Yet, my fists are clenched, my jaw is set, my eyes are still burning with the irritation of not having slept well, coupled with the disgruntling issue of another reversed lash follicle (otherwise know as a stye). 

I am NOT relaxed, and I am in the midst of a very real grown up temper tantrum sans the slamming doors and stomping of feet (remember, they hurt when they touch the floor, and the satisfaction of stomping would be utterly detrimental to my functioning in any semblance of normalcy for the the rest of the day).

My intention in beginning this post a few moments ago was to turn it around at the end with my cheery, cheesy list of thankfulness and how God is filling my tank. 

Wouldn't that have spiritualized it all for us and tied everything up with a sweet, lovely bow? 

You could walk away encouraged.

You could think to yourself, "Wow, she's learned a lesson she can share, and I am so glad I stopped here to have the aroma of thankfulness wrapped around me like a wafting breeze of autumn goodness."

That is NOT where I am right now. I don't have anything fluffy or neat and tidy on my heart or in my mind. Upon closing this little laptop that is also driving me crazy with its constant reminders of my lack of space, its repeated crashing, and its lack of being an iPad where I can create beauty intuitively, I am going to go get dressed, don my comfiest walking shoes, and head out for a walk.

Because with my grumpiness, I need fresh air from a day with autumn's promise in the wind and mingled in the wispy leaves drifting around me. I need to allow the Lord Himself a chance to clear my head, comfort my heart, and draw close when I tend to put my hands in front of my face in the shame of my tantrum.

Take time to be thankful today. I will be back soon with some tangible thankfulness of my own.

Leaving a trail of beauty (barely)



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