Pushing on Past the Past

Do you ever wake up and do a double take? Your subconscious was so crystal clear and so real you have to shake it off in favor of what your eyes take in as the fuzziness of sleep drifts away.

Disoriented. You may have slept and lived a complete movie's worth of activities somewhere else, awakening with those events plastered on your now conscious thoughts as if what you dreamt is what you're currently living.

The beauty of dreaming is we get to wake up. We get to toss off that cloak of darkness with the bed covers and embrace the dawn of a new day with all the freshness and newness that awaits.

One of my favorite books and movies of all time is Anne of Green Gables. If you are around me for more than a hot minute, you most likely will be regaled with some sort of quote or reference to the kindred spirits who come alive in those pages.

Wisdom. It's liberally woven into the story of an orphan girl who desperately wanted to belong -- just like we all do. Yet Anne is also, just like me, quite prone to muck things up when she acts before she thinks. This propensity for error prompts one of my oft-used quotables:
"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." LM Montgomery
Some days, by 8am I am already quoting that little nugget in hopes of a fresh start . . . as I awakened with my past loaded on my shoulders like a pack mule ready for a trek through the Himalayas.

The dawn broke, but my past clings like the darkness I seemingly left behind. The dreams linger like nightmares, and I didn't step into this day with a newness or a carefree perspective. I have not pushed past the past. It still has power over me.

I keep thinking I am shackled to my past like I'm dragging around a cabinet full of misdeeds by my ankle. All too often I let it trip me up and get in the way of the path God has set before me.

Yet, I am not there anymore. I am awake now. The technicolor images of my dreams fade with the light of a new day.

I awaken this morning, just as I have for the past almost four years in a bed by myself. I awaken to birds chirping in the distance,  the promise of sunshine, and the last few official days of spring.

I am no longer bound by the bad decisions and disobedience of another. I chose freedom. God in His mercy granted the desires of my broken heart, and He has promised I will have hope and a future.

Some days I must start back at the very beginning. The simplest of what I know to be true gets me past the past. So I move forward into a new day on this note:

"Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so."
One step forward with the light of a new day shining in my face, dispelling the darkness and leaving the past where it belongs; one more step behind me.

Have a lovely day!

Leaving a trail of beauty.


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