SLOW: Writing Challenge Day 5 with hope*writers

“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” Habakkuk‬ ‭2:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

God cannot be rushed.

I get impatient at least once a day. Okay. Probably more often than that, especially if any of my day involves being behind the wheel and sharing the road with “slow” motorists.

Without Jesus, I’d probably be a pretty rage-filled driver. With Him, I still beep my horn more frequently than some.

All that to say . . . though I’m not one to like things to go slow; God has His own timetable. Let’s take  the pace of my healing post-divorce. I gave myself a bit for that. You know . . . a few months should have taken care of it, right?  I was married for more than 20 years, so an extended school-length vacation should have whipped me right back into shape, ready to tackle all things new?!?!

As you can most likely guess, it has been quite a SLOW process instead. Patterns of thinking were developed, reactions set in place, errors in beliefs became the norm, and a voice I lost had to be regained.

I am embarking on my fifth year as a single-again mom of now adults. Though it feels like the time has flown from that day I climbed into Aurora, my cute blue hatchback, and sped away toward freedom until today; the pace at which I’ve regained my confidence has been SLOW. The financial stability has been SLOW. The rebuilding of relationships and building new relationships has been SLOW. Trusting anyone again has been SLOW. Feeling like myself or some sort of newer, better version of myself has been SLOW . . . and yet so rewarding.

I have been finally putting in the effort to recognize my own needs and address them. The results of those caring ministrations have yielded a me who is beginning to see not only the truth of having been rescued from someone and something, but also God’s desire to deliver me for something.

From my vantage point and in the midst of my days of greatest pain and heartbreak — when loss was all I could see around me, God was SLOW.

As I gain a better perspective and my vision is clearer with distance and healing, I see now what I thought was SLOW was instead the tender hand of my Jesus allowing only what I could handle in each moment.

I could compare it to recovering from a surgical procedure. I would not expect to go skydiving immediately upon leaving the hospital after open heart surgery.

In the same vein, I was in no condition to emotionally dredge up memories and heal from a toxic relationship immediately upon leaving it. I could barely buy groceries without weeping in the middle of any given aisle.

Thankfully I longer find my past as heart-wrenchingly difficult to discuss. The SLOW, tender, healing hand of my Heavenly Father has been at work this entire time. He did not delay. Both during the moments I’ve recognized, and more so in those moments when I’ve been caught unawares.

He has had an active hand in it. It’s His vision for me, after all. He draws me to Himself, comforts me through the buckets of tears I’ve cried, and brings joy and laughter back into my life when I least expect it. He shows me daily He is enough and reminds me more often I am enough, too. His perfect plan will come exactly when He wills it.

I am glad to take it SLOW with Him in the driver’s seat. It probably saves me a bundle in traffic tickets as well, when I think about it!

Leaving a trail of beauty ~

Pam